I understand I am violating a "promise" to give you details of Day 3,4 of cooking class, but frankly, I am tired of that posting. I am taking a break. I want to talk about this weekend, the Christmas Market at Wiesbaden and events that identified it for me. And please, comment. I would love your impression and "feedback."
Tuesday past, I made the comment to a co-worker that I might drive to Wiesbaden for the Christmas Market, an hour and a half away, only because the Christmas Markets in Germany are supposedly phenomenal and I had not yet experienced one. OH! she responded enthusiastically and said she would like to go with me. Fine. We talked about logistics, time, meeting place, etc. and the plan was put to motion.
My friend lives in Kaiserslautern, an easy drive on the autobahn, but not so easy once you take the exit to her apartment. It is a 20 minute drive through the city on one-way streets, congested and confusing even with a GPS, and I prefer not to add additional time to a day trip, so we have agreed (on more than one occasion) that she meet me at a Parkplatz just off A-6. I also prefer to start early and return home by 6-7pm. That gives me time to be home, have a cocktail and dinner, and then off to bed I go. It's not that I wouldn't like to stay out late, but the laws in Germany are VERY strict and I don't dare have even one beer or glass of wine if I am driving. It is automatic return to the states if you are an American, and I don't believe it is worth the risk.
Agreed upon. I would leave the apartment at 10am and meet her at the Parkplatz at 10:30 and drive to Wiesbaden. We would be there no later than 12:00, walk the market, have lunch, shop, enjoy. Plan on leaving around 5:30 or so.
Our friend Tom heard of our plans and indicated that he might like to go as well. Fine. Great actually, because he is familiar with Wiesbaden and can show us around a bit. But, he is not sure that he will be returning to K-town that night because he will be close to Frankfurt, parents and girlfriend. Maybe he will drive his own car, meet us there, and go on his own. What are the plans exactly? Parkplatz 10:30.
From the time it is mentioned that Tom may join us, I notice that Cindy is fixating on riding with Tom..."oh, maybe I just ride with Tom...oh but he may not be coming back and then I'd be stuck at the Parkplatz" this continued Wed., Thurs, Fri., with Tom consistently saying he wasn't sure of his "return" date.
Saturday morning I call Cindy at 9am, confirming our plan. She has decided to go over to Tom's to "Chant" from 10-10:30 and could we meet at 10:45 instead? OK. I'l leave the apt. at 10:15.
I get a call from Cindy at 10, she's at Tom's preparing to chant, but he really wants to go with us but he won't be ready to go until about 12. Is that OK? You know, it's really not OK with me. I'm ready to go and if Tom is going to drive his own car ANYWAY, let him find us there. OK says Cindy. But, can we change the time to 11?
I'm walking out the door at 10:30 when the phone rings. "Jennifer, it's Tom. Listen, there has been a change in plans. Come here to my apartment (gives his address) and we'll all leave from here. I have to take a quick shower, but it will just take a few minutes." OK! So, I have to drive into the city of K-town but, if Tom has now decided we are all going together and I don't have to drive, I can make this detour.
I arrive at Toms at 11:20 and he answers the door in his pajama's, not showered and not shaved and shuffles me off to his kitchen and last night's party. Have a seat, take off your coat, the tea is almost ready. Relax, chill. We're almost done with our chanting. "Tom. You decided to return home tonight?" "No. That hasn't been determined yet. Cindy will ride with you, I'll follow and then I'll show you around Wiesbaden."
Cindy is sitting in the room, at the alter, dazed and unaware (not uncommon) along with another woman. She asks "whats going on" but never comes into the hallway herself.
And now. I ask you. What would you have done, at this moment? I know what I did but I want to know what YOUR take on the situation is and then I can best evaluate my own behavior. Please, indulge me. Comment!
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14 comments:
They sound like party animals. I probably would have stayed and been upset all day, but it would have been better just to take off and have them meet me at the market. Its like a choose your own adventure book! You should write 3 scenarios, and we can guess which one you did!
grrr I am irritated after only a few sentences. I probably would have stayed and been really grumpy all day. I may have suggested we bag it and tried again the next weekend. Obviously the right answer is to have politely but firmly said, "I am sorry you are not ready, but I was really looking forward to this trip, so I will meet you there." Turned and walked out before anyone had time to respond. Who in the world has it that together though? I am dying to know what you did.
It's all hindsight, but I think at the point of discussion with Cindy about needing to chant (what's up with that anyway?) I would have said, Tell you what, I really want to do the market thing, it's my first time and I don't want to cut it short, so why don't you and Tom do your chanting and then call or text me when you get to the market and we can meet up for lunch and go from there.
I hope your solution wasn't to take up chanting.
I was hoping to hear from Megan before I responded but I guess she's busy at work. It's unfair to keep the "mass" waiting.
When Tom said to me "Take off your coat, etc...we're still chanting but it won't be long..." I flashed back to Cindy Oliver in Tulsa who would always "meditate" when it was time to either prepare the meal or clean up.
And when Tom told me he still hadn't decided on whether or not he was returning to K-town that night or not, I felt duped and manipulated. Why had I driven to K-town except to assure Cindy of a ride home?
I said calmly but voice trembling "I won't be taking off my coat Tom because I am not staying. I'm very irritated at the moment. I'll see you or not at the market."
I left. Angry as hell. Couldn't decide if Cindy had manipulated the situation so she could ride with Tom, or if Tom had manipulated the situation because he is a control freak. Either way, I was done.
An hour later, almost to Wiesbaden my cell rings "hey jennifer. Tom. We're just about to head out here and." I interrupted and said "you know tom. I don't give a fuck. if you want to take responsibility for Cindy today then by all means, take responsibility for Cindy. I am not." "Oh, hmmm. So do you want to still meet up? " "Let me think about that. No! "
I haven't talked with either of them sense. I am no longer angry but am no longer interested in planning an event with either of them.
What a bunch of flakes!! Holy Moly! I would have said, "Are you fucking kidding me??!! With a smile on my face of course. Then I would have politely said that I was leaving NOW because I really wanted to be back by 7 and anyone who was ready NOW was welcome to come along. Call me when you guys get there and we'll hook up, I'd say. Then I'd get the hell out of there before I made an inappropriate comment about "chanting". WTF?
Then of course I would never allow Cindy or Tom to change my plans again. Lesson learned.
I think taking off without them was a fine thing to do. Sounds like they aren't the kind of people you can plan things with, so you don't lose much by not talking to them.
Btw, I left my comment before I had read yours, Aunt Jenny. I think they must have just crossed (I didn't want you to think I was scolding you for not being polite)
Good for you!!!! They deserved to have their ass kicked to the curb!
Actually, I have to say that I am with Connie on the timing. Let's not even go into the whole chanting thing. Hooray for you. You have been more than accommodating to both of them and so far it has not worked well for you. I am proud of you for sticking up for yourself and feel that being polite and civil to them is about all that is required in the future. You certainly don't need to call people who are that inconsiderate "friend". You may be over being mad, but I am still furious that they are treating my friend so rudely.
Hmmmph
Yes!
My two cents worth -- I would have done exactly as you did. Actually, I would have been mad enough to do that, but I'm such a big weenie that I probably wouldn't have been as forceful. Later, I would have regretted not being forceful enough. I got uptight just reading your description of the debacle. You did the right thing!
Some day, when I have more time, I'll write and tell you about the first meeting I had with the guy who is now renting your house. It was interesting -- and funny.
Laurel, NOW I am intrigues! Please have time and tell me of your encounter! I can't wait!
In fact, Laurel, tell ALL of us!
And I thought it was so funny that you thought of Cindy Oliver. That's exactly what I said to Sarah when I read her your post. "This reminds me of George's wife who used to always have the need to meditate just as dinner was underway."
Send me your eMail address and I'll tell you the story of my new next door neighbor. I don't want to clutter your "Comments" with it.
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