So many decisions...

For me to be wide awake and rested on a Sunday morning @ 5AM is an unnatural state of being, but that is where I am in this new country. I retire early and rise just as early, normally eager to greet the day. This morning however, I am weary albeit awake.

I passed my drivers license test on Friday and the next task is to find and buy a car. To drive in Germany means that one is alert, attentive, not afraid of speed and courteous. I can do courteous. But, I am already feeling the angst of being responsible for getting from A to B, even though I DO know my German signs! I have grown accustomed to having my breakfast, taking my last cup of coffee out to the terrace, reviewing notes of what I must accomplish for the day while waiting for my "driver." That is about to end. Until I got my license, I wasn't allowed by law to even test drive a car now, I can. I'm leaning toward a BMW primarily because 9 out of 10 used cars are Beemers, and soldiers are being deployed left and right and forced to leave their cars behind. I'll maybe make a decision this week. Stay posted.

Cars aside, my time in beautiful Hotel Europia is coming to an end and I must decide on where to live. I have a verbal contract on an apartment overlooking Seewoog Lake in the village of Miesenbach (pronunciation guide: when I and E are walking the second one does the talking.) It's quite large for an apartment in Germany, 120sqm, 3 bedrooms, large living area, built in kitchen (not necessarily a given)and 1.5 baths. There is a large balcony off the living room with an unobstructed view of the lake, which sits on the outer edge of a national forest. Very serene, with multiple walking trails going in every direction to various villages. The Village itself is, like most of Germany, is extremely clean and the streets very narrow. Streets and stoops are swept daily in the morning and early evening to maintain the pristine surrounding. There is however, nothing but residence's in this village, which means no market, coffee shop, guest house, etc. And I wonder as I ponder if this will end up being too serene for me.

And remember. I sold all of my personal belongings which means I now have to find furniture and figure out a way to have it all delivered. I find myself overwhelmed right this moment. A friend took me to yet another village yesterday and even tho' it was not as charming architecturally there were local businesses and a large Bahnhof station. We stopped for a libation and talked to an American couple who was house hunting and they were not only knowledgeable about the village, but couldn't stop singing it's praises. It would be 12 minutes to base if the autobahn is open, 20 minutes otherwise. Oh no. I would be on the AUTOBAHN in my new used car looking for an exit going 120km/h. No more singing along with Cat Stevens! Attention, Alert.

I simply don't know what to do. For right now I think I'll go for a long walk, maybe to Miesenbach and walk around the lake. I'll look for inspiration and hope for Divine intervention. Then I will shower and go to a German Castle for a tour and dinner with a new friend named Cindy (a local nationalist.)

And I'll take my camera so you will no longer have to depend on words alone.

Ciao for now.

Red Patten Shoes

Can I just say, I absolutely love my new Red Patten Dansko's. I bought 2 new pairs of Dansko clogs before I left the states because they are the most incredible fitting shoes for someone with my type of arch and they prevent me from getting reoccurring plantar fasciatis. I am typically on my feel alot during the day, whether I am actively walking or simply standing looking at charts and without proper shoes, my legs tire and the hamstring gets taut. I converted to Dansko's 2001 and have been a true believer in them ever since. But, this new pair, its more than a comfortable fit! It's an experience!

Deep cherry in color and patten, shiny leather and they make me smile every time I look down at my feet, and when I believe I am alone in the hall, I click my heels and say "Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore."

I was in new employee orientation most of the day today, and for the most part these types of presentations are unimpressive and boring, but today I had my shoes to occupy my mind. I started thinking about the Wizard of Oz, and The Tin Man in particular. His desire for a heart was so intense, he cried. Which led me to the thought that if he cried, wasn't that a sign he had a heart? When one shows or expresses no emotions or feelings we refer to that person as having no heart. He's heartless, we say, but the Tin Man did have feelings.

I looked under the table and quietly clicked my heels but this time I thought, "I'd better pay attention or Toto, we'll end up back in Kansas.

Memorial Day in Ramstein, Germany

I work on an American Air Force Base and this has been one of the quietest Memorial Days I have had in my entire 58 years. It is possible that since this is a recognized American Holiday, giving us a 3 day weekend, that many (most) of the American population is touring Europe. I heard of several groups going to Berlin, Italy, France, hiking, biking and sighting, but I am too new to be included in such trips. Instead, I enjoyed an early celebration in Kaiserslautern Saturday and a quiet, pensive Monday.

A colleague invited me to an early festival in her home city of Kaiserslautern, the largest city close to where I am staying. The festival itself was very small, mostly rides geared toward the very young but the bells, whistles and colors were a delight that was equaled only by the smiling faces of children going round and round and round. Screams of delight or fear, it was hard to discern which, echoed through the streets of the carnival. Entertainment for the young at heart with lead in their feet was at the opposite end of the festival, in a tent about the size of 1/2 a football field. This was the bier festival with a live German band who played
"old favorites," maybe similar to Mid-life Crisis.

My friend said that lead would melt and before we would leave, she promised that everyone would be dancing on top of the table, including me. It was great fun witnessing how the German people relate to music and one another, how they include those sitting on the same bench or several benches over, how easily one is engaged and how unimportant language is. I of course didn't know any of the songs, but it was hard not to eventually wiggle to the rhythm. That damn early Baptist rearing you know, where it is pounded into you that a dancing foot and praying knee don't grow on the same leg.

There were so many beautiful segments, older women who were soft and comfortable in their XXL tops, dancing with young men in their mid 20's who had 6pack abs, husbands who could shake a leg as long as the younger ones and the absolute involvement of everyone present. I admit only to standing on the table as the evening wore on, but only so I could see. I stayed the night at my friends apartment and took the train back to Ramstien Sunday morning, a trip that took all of 17 minutes.

And today, it is quiet. An early morning walk on a trail that I thought would take me to Miesenbach took me instead to Weirbach and rather than walk on into the village, I chose to sit on a bench in the middle of the woods next to the walking trail. The sounds were surreal but I could never identify the source, so I didn't sit in silence but I did sit in peace. I love the walking trails in Germany. They are wide, almost 7 feet I'd say, and asphalted and WEED-EATED by city personnel. They stretch from village to village, going through valleys and fields and nary a farm house in site. But once you commit to walking, you keep going because there is no going back. I returned back to Hotel Europa 2 hours later and was grateful that today was an American holiday and I was not expected to show up for work!

Memorial Day, 2009. And as I sat on that bench in the middle of the woods on the side of the walking trail, listening to sounds I couldn't identify, I remembered my dad. A WWII veteran with the Air Corps. And I remembered Grandpa Charley, not for his service in WWI but for his pumpkin pie. And I remembered my mom, a veteran in her own right although not a soldier, and there was Gertrude, grandma West and grandma Charley. Many people I have loved who would understand a walk in the woods, sitting on a bench in personal silence surrounded by sound.

Happy holiday!

and on the 7th day she will rest

This is my 6th day in Germany and it started out to be a good one indeed. I am still at the Hotel Europa and went down for breakfast at 6am. I have been in the habit of having lox, cream cheese, maybe an egg and fresh fruit. This morning I had a nervous stomach because I was preparing to take the test for my driver's license so I had granola, fresh strawberries and cream. Coffee of course. Michelle is the woman who prepares breakfast and every morning she addresses me by name and smiles as she brings me not a cup of coffee, but rather a pot of coffee in a silver carafe.

I had opened my book for one last look at german road signs when 15 young female soccer players walked in, hair unkempt, sleep in their eyes, uniforms on, shin guards in place over long naked legs. They head straight for the bagels, commenting to one another they needed carbs. It was a team from England, here for the European HS tournament and the uniforms were dark British green, exactly the uniform Megan wore when she played for Emerald City Select. I looked for number 6 and finally remembered her jersey had been retired and she is now among the yellow flowers in Aunt Connies garden. I think I must have looked awfully silly to these girls (and hopefully not looking like a pedophile) but I couldn't take my eyes off them, neither could I hide the smile nor the lump in my throat.

The test was difficult, 100 questions and 25 specific match questions to road signs. I've never liked "matched" questions but that is neither here nor there, because I get to experience it again next Friday. My score of 83% was 2 points shy of walking out of there with an International Driver License. I had hoped to be able to put one thing away..finished..done..no more concern. Didn't happen.

Next on my list of accomplishments was to be signed off by Occupational Health after dropping by the immunization office and showing proudly the list of shots I received prior to coming to Germany. "Why did they not give you Hep A immunization? or a Polio booster vaccine? and 1 Hep B booster is not enough for 100% protection once the immune system has such a low titre reading." 3 shots later, I walked out without having my signature sheet signed and have to return in 1 month for completion. Another thing that is not finished..done..no more concern. It didn't happen.

But, what did happen is I got full protection from all those horrible diseases that could disable me and ruin my experience in Germany. And, I have no right to be on the road if I can't read the road signs. And, I'm off to watch the girls soccer team play right now, as they are playing down the street. I don't know their name but I hope the Green Team wins.

Life is good, and it is not finished.

Chow for now.

A few observations and fewer facts

1. Today is a quiet day. By law and by ordinance. No unnatural noise is allowed which means no lawn mowing, drilling, sawing. It is a day intended to honor and renew the family and encourages them to take to the walking trails. Quiet time is also enforced throughout the week, beginning at 10pm.

2. German toilets are mounted on the wall, leaving space between the bowl and the floor for adequate cleaning.

3. Right is hot and left is cold.

4. Burial plots are leased for 25 years rather than purchased. At the end of the lease, bones are removed and the plot is recycled. There is an option for renewal of the lease if heirs desire.

5. All 4 vehicle tires must be the same and air pressure must be maintained to the maximum to ensure efficient use of petro.

6 The Good Samaritan Law is in effect, meaning that if a person has the opportunity to help an individual in need and neglects to do so, he or she may be fined.

7. Garbage cans are distributed according to family size. I will receive one small garbage can and one compost can, a yellow, green and blue basket to recycle glass according to color. This is an incentive for me to seek out boxed wine as I think my green bottle collection may exceed weight limit. There is a separate container for paper.

8. There is one church in every Village, a Protestant church...no differentiation of faith, simply Protestant. All church's have bells that ring throughout the Village all day every day. I wonder when chills will stop traveling down my spine at the pure beauty of it all.

9. Germans love big dogs and they have trained them beautifully. I find myself wishing Mickey was at my side. He would love the country side and the weather and I tear up thinking about him.

10. Car horns are not allowed to be used in frustration , only to warn of potential danger. To misuse your sound alert is punishable by a large fine.

11. Yes, today is a quiet day, the sun is shining and I am being beckoned to the walking trail. Gruse Gott my friends.

Remembering the past, preparing for the future

I've been in Germany for less than 96 hours and yet there is more comfort and familiarity than I've realized in a very long time. It took me almost 5 years before I acclimated to the weather in Seattle, and weather aside, there was always a sense that I didn't belong in Seattle. There were many aspects of the city that I loved but interpersonaly, there was an underlying sense that I was an Okie and not as well educated or sophisticated as other mothers in the "play group" of my children. Women I continued to share thoughts and idea's with in Book Club until the time I left Seattle, some 22 years later. They were women I admired, women whom I was intimidated by and even some that I liked. There was not one with whom I would share my dark side, my fears or unhappiness. I understood that these 11 women and their husbands and even their children would come to a Memorial Service should I die, but I wasn't confident that anyone would bring me soup if I were ill.

When I transplanted back to Oklahoma, none of my expectations were realized. It was no longer home except for being in daily contact with my sister. Where as I had expected to "wow" the medical community with my NW knowledge and state of the art case management, I instead alienated myself from the only community I understood. There was suspicion instead of appreciation, and prejudice rather than acceptance coming both from myself and others. It just didn't work. I believed myself to be loosing skills every day I worked and living on a slippery slope made me tense and angry. Personal and social developments developed very slowly and it was not until the month before I left, after having been there almost 5 years, did I understand that some friendships I had made were to be with me a life time.

After I walked Ramstein today, stopping at various neighborhood gardens and belts of green, as I stood in the heart of a small Village and took the time to look beyond the homes with clay roofs to see yellow meadows, larger than rolling hills and various colors of green, did I realize in my heart that I was completely peaceful. I struggled earlier in the day as to where I should live: larger village with congestion and access to shops, pubs, and local market or smaller village with no noise, beautiful countryside but access to the train that would take me to the larger city to see the Ballet, hear the Symphony. Tonight, I am leaning toward the smaller village of Steinwenden-Weltersbach. There is a market, there are restaurants, there are a few shops and of course a bakery on every corner and a train station within a few blocks of a vacant apartment. And there is quiet. There are valleys and fields of tulips, daffodils and lilies to be picked at your leisure and paid for by dropping monies into an empty coffee can based on the honor system.

These are my thoughts tonight as I sit in room 306 at Hotel Europa listening to James Taylor and Jack Johnson, having spent 60 minutes studying for my German driving license test. Peacefulness is just such a wonderful feeling!

Reporting to duty, MAM

Friday, May 15, 2009

I didn't intend to write a blog tonight because it was my first day of work and I even tho' I am energized, I expected my mind to be too full of facts that it would interfere with creativity. However, I remind myself that this is a blog of information sharing and not necessarily one of journalistic publication (or correct spelling) and I will proceed as such.

Lt.Col.Snyder and I have immediately connected in both a professional and personal way. Conversation is easy, real, informative and not defensive. It is strange to me on many levels that I feel relaxed and sense no tension or competitiveness in a work place after feeling only the negatives for over 5 years. And, this is the MILITARY for crying out loud. Also strange for me is the comfort and joy I felt when walking across base. This is the most beautiful environment, verdant, beautifully manicured, quiet, friendly, organized and most like an elite collage campus. My office is very large and I share with no one because they respect that I will be dealing with distraught families and will need not only privacy for the client, but a place to recharge my own emotional batteries. Imagine.

Jennifer, I only have to include her title when in public places, is 45 and has an artist husband who stays at home with a 15 y/o son and 17 y/o daughter. She will retire in 2 years and I am already sorry that she will leave. She is lively, petite, has a wonderful sense of humor, and balances being in charge with a very caring nature. Today was mostly walking to building to building, completing forms that had been previously filled out, taking pictures, getting yet another security badge, trying to set up a post box for me. I have my choice of 2 large gyms which she suggested I use at lunch hour so as not to prolong my day (AGAIN, IMAGINE such a concept!) but we didn't have time to tour them.

Tomorrow morning she will pick me up at 9am and drive me around to look at apts/houses. I suggested that we spend the time looking at villages rather than actual apartments so I can get a feel for where I want to live. I keep thinking of Landstuhl and met a woman who lives there and takes the bus in every morning, but I'm also thinking of KaiserSlautern (a colleague lives there in city square and would consider nothing else.) KaiserSlautern is around 100,000 and Landstuhl is about half the population. The first is 30 minutes away and the latter 10-15. The largest train hub is in Landstuhl and the "ice train" is 2h 28 m to the center of Paris. There is a huge beer/circus/fair in KaiserSlautern this weekend (7 days to be exact) and I have the telephne number of the woman who lives there with her 16 y/o daughter and am committed to finding the train station in Ramstein, navigating the system and spending the day with her on sunday,

Tomorrow evening I have been invited to a going away party at "Schnapps Resturant" for a person I have not met but will gladly go. I am being picked up at Hotel Europa from another someone I don't know. When i inquired as to the appropriate dress I was told " I will be wearing what you wore when you got off the plane. jeans." I hope hers are clean!

This was my first workday in Ramstein, Germany and I eagerly await more.

I made it thus far

Arrived in Frankfurt on time and was greeted by 2 high official air force officers, both women in their mid to late 30's, slightly built with one being much taller than the other. Both were wearing fatiques and combat boots and had an unexpected sweet and gentle nature albeit an organized personality. I fell asleep in the car in the middle of a sentence which caused much laughter as the day went on. I was dropped off at Hotel Europa, my accomodations for at least 30 days, and gifted with 2 cases of water, fresh fruit, low fat Triskets and trail mix. I was "ordered" to stay awake until 9pm and expect to be picked up by 8am tomorrow to begin my orientation.

As tired as I was, I wanted to get a head start on exploring what will be home for who knows how long. Believing in packing light, I took only my cigarettes, passport and a $20 euro, also left for me by the Lt. Col. Ramstein is not small. I walked for 4 and a half hours and was awstruck by the cleanliness of the streets (yes, I believe they still sweep their stoops), the well maintained homes, the narrow streets and unbelievable flower and vegetable gardens no matter how small the green space in individual lots. This encourages me in being able to find a place with outdoor living space. I can't describe the architecture yet (sorry Austen.)

I stopped in a neigborhood pub with outside seating and had a german beer and reflected on how easy the transition has been. I had a short conversation with a young woman at the pub who was reading Dovstetscky in the original verse and discussed various villages I may consider. I am drawn to Landstuhl for no good reason but saw the sign that says it is 3 KM away. I'm hoping to visit it over the weekend. I found a really good hardware store (similar to Chuby and Tubby's in Seattle) that had beautiful potting plants and I'm excited about planting again. Also, I located the local food market and even tho' they had gorgeous fruits, vevetables, enormous fresh cheese and fish and meat, plus aisles and aisles of French, Spanich, Chile and German wines starting at $3 ero PLUS as much of a selection of beers, I was disappointed that I didn't find the little individual specialty markets we saw in Prague and Vienna. Please remember, my search has only begun.

My legs are sore and so are my feet because I am unaccustomed to walking on cobblstone, therefore I will dine on Chev Brie Cockshl cheese, grapes and a small bottle of J.P. Chenet cab/sab from Frannce. For desert I will have trailmix. All in the privacy of my room 306 Hotel Europa. My plans are nice hot shower, and I may or may not make it until 9pm. But, I will have fresh clothes and be ready to go tomorrow morrning.

I had meaning special thoughts of my friends in Tulsa, knowing that at least 3 of you could name the flowers in bloom.

Getting closer by the day...

It occurred to me as I left the US Post Office that I may very well be the dumbest woman alive. I just mailed 2/3's of what is left of my personal possessions to an APO address, to a person I have never met, for a job that is yet to be confirmed. The German consulate has not signed the final document for me to be allowed to enter that country to work as an RN case manager. I am simply riding on wings of faith and it feels good.

This journey has been in the making since February when my sister told me she and her husband were going to move to Pittsburg, PA in order to be close to their grandchildren. I didn't like the thought of staying in Tulsa without them, was less than enthusiastic about following them to the east coast and pursued instead the notion of living and working in Europe for a while. I got the official job offer 6 weeks ago when I was in Philadelphia visiting my son. It has been a whirlwind ever since.

The decision to sell everything I own was an easy one as my monetary assistance for relocation is on a shoestring budget and it was amazing how unemotional it was watching my "things" be carried out the door, through the yard and placed into a stranger's car. There was a sense of purging in clearing out items, and an interesting exercise in choosing what I take. I am taking small personal items, pieces of art, pictures of my family, all the music I own (dowloaded on an I-pod that Megan, Austen and Sarah so graciously gave me at Christmas,) clothes and about 3 dozen books. I will list my books when I am in Germany and unpack. Today I sold my bed, the last large item excepting my house. It is time that I acknowledge the possibility of NOT selling my house before I go but I still have hope.

Tulsa has never been more beautiful to me than the last 6 weeks. I was fortunate to be here for the azelea show and most recently, enjoy severe thunderstorms from my front porch for the last time. Friendships have been rich and the goodbyes plentiful. Very beautiful indeed.